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  Copyright © 2014 Jeanette Battista

  All rights reserved

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Microsoft Word 2.1 and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Epilogue

  Chapter One

  Lila set foot in the room and immediately regretted that she’d told Gretchen she would come to the party with her. For one, it was really smoky, something that was sure to bother her asthma and she hadn’t brought her inhaler. For another, it was loud, with the music playing at an almost painful volume. And finally, it was crowded. Really crowded, with a lot of people Lila didn’t know. And a lot of them were drunk, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it did fill Lila with a certain amount of anxiety. She could already feel the roiling in her stomach and she hadn’t even been there five minutes.

  Gretchen, like some kind of freaky psychic, had already figured that Lila was close to bailing and slung an arm around her shoulders. “Come on,” she chided into Lila’s ear. “It’s just a party. It will be fun.”

  Lila swallowed and nodded. She ran a hand over her temple, making sure her hair covered the angry scar there. Classes were due to start back up in two days, so everyone was trying to get their good time on. The rugby house was notorious for its back to school ragers, or so Gretchen had told her, and the blonde had insisted that they attend. Lila would have been happier staying in their apartment, but Gretchen had known that too and nixed the idea.

  “Where to?” Lila shouted, trying to be heard above the noise. She rubbed absently at her left arm. The cast had come off two weeks earlier, but it still felt weird to her, like her arm was too light.

  Gretchen steered her to the kitchen, located toward the back of the house. “Keg’s usually back here.”

  Lila followed along, trying not to bump into anyone, trying not to draw attention to herself. Gretchen had been here before, probably at last year’s party when she was a freshman. But Lila had started at a different school, transferring to Davis College for her sophomore year. Everyone she saw was a stranger.

  Not to Gretchen though. She introduced Lila to everyone she knew as they passed through the crowded house. Soon Lila gave up all hope of being able to remember names and faces and just nodded and smiled while being pulled along like a barge after a particularly determined tugboat.

  The kitchen was marginally quieter and fairly smoke-free, but the house was getting hot with all of the bodies pressed inside it. To try to keep cool, Lila pulled her dark brown hair back and tied it up with the elastic band she always wore around her wrist.. It probably wouldn’t work since even the kitchen looked like it was full to bursting, but that might have had something to do with the kegs.

  Gretchen handed her a red plastic cup. Lila looked down at it, as if it were a piece of alien technology. She had no plans to drink tonight. She passed it to someone else in line for the tap and waited off to the side while Gretchen filled her own cup.

  Lila watched her closest friend from the side, noticing the appraising looks the guys behind her in line were giving her. Gretchen looked just like her name implied: a tall, blonde, blue-eyed Nordic goddess. She’d run track in high school and still trained for 10Ks and half-marathons, so she was toned, tanned, and in incredible shape. Lila felt doughy just looking at her.

  She grinned when a guy tried to ask Gretchen for her number and was politely rebuffed. He and all of the males in this hemisphere were doomed to disappointment. Gretchen didn’t bat for their team. She was strictly on team Lady Parts.

  She joined Lila and took a sip of the beer, making a face. “How is it?” Lila asked.

  “Tastes like piss,” Gretchen answered, downing a gulp. “But it’s free.” She noted the lack of cup in Lila’s hand and rolled her eyes. “Really?”

  Lila rubbed at her wrist again. “I don’t feel like drinking,” was all she said.

  Gretchen’s blue eyes narrowed, her gaze zeroing in on Lila’s arm like a lapis laser beam. “Is it bothering you?”

  Lila shrugged. “Aches a little, I guess.”

  “May he choke on a bag of dicks,” Gretchen scowled, referring to Lila’s boyfriend—ex-boyfriend, she had to keep reminding herself.

  Lila brushed stray hairs away from her face, her fingers grazing again across the puckered red scar at her temple. Her hair hid most of it, but Lila was still self-conscious about it. She’d gotten it—and the broken arm—in the middle of the summer when she’d fallen down a short flight of stone steps.

  You didn’t fall, a small voice in her head chastised her. Lila chose not to pay attention to that voice.

  “So what goes on at these parties?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

  Gretchen grinned. “Well, everyone gets pretty wasted.” She laughed when Lila gave her a No, really? look. “And if we’re lucky, the rugby team will strip down and do the elephant walk across the street.”

  “Elephant walk?” Lila wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

  If possible, Gretchen’s grin grew wider. “They line up, grab the dick of the guy behind them, and march across the street swinging their other arm like an elephant’s trunk.”

  Lila raised an eyebrow, doubting Gretchen’s explanation. Then one of the rugby guys ran through the kitchen, stripping off his shirt, and crashed through the screen door. Without opening it.

  She grabbed a cup. “I’m probably going to need that beer.”

  Gretchen cackled, eyes lighting up like sparklers. “Welcome to Davis!”

  Chapter Two

  Donovan leaned against the wall of the living room, scoping out the house. It was full of a bunch of unfamiliar faces, probably a lot of them freshmen. Everyone had heard of the infamous Rugby House parties, so they always had a ton of the new crop of coeds come out to see what all the fuss was about. Donovan didn’t play rugby, but his best friend, Ryan, did so it meant Donovan was sort of a de facto team member by association.

  He and Ryan had been friends since second grade. They knew each other’s most embarrassing moments, the things you never admit to another living soul. They’d been through grade school and girlfriends and graduations together. Ryan gave the appearance of being a joker, but Van knew the loyal heart that beat beneath the clownish exterior.

  Ryan staggered up, already half-lit. He’d probably been at it since that afternoon. “What do you think, Van?” he asked, blowing beery breath in his friend’
s face, as he gestured around the room at the girls in various stages of drunkenness and/or undress.

  “Trying too hard,” he surmised, taking a swig of his beer. And they were—sparkly tops, shorts cut up to their ass cheeks, sky-high heels, makeup applied with a putty knife. All to make them look more mature, older, different. Daddy’s little darlings out for their first night of freedom. He thought about picking one of them up and going home with them, but he wasn’t feeling it tonight. A call from his mother had ruined the day for him. Now he just wanted to drink to forget his troubles.

  His eyes scanned the room, coming to rest on Gretchen who was crossing the room with a dark haired girl Van hadn’t seen before. “Hey, there’s G-Love,” he said to Ryan, pointing.

  Van knew Gretchen from the track team and cross-country practice. They were both distance runners and their paths had crossed early in their freshman year. Since then, they helped each other train for whatever race they were running or just kept each other company as they practiced. G-Love was his nickname for her because all of the guys on the team and most of the guys she knew were half in love with her. Including Ryan.

  Ryan cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed, “YO! G-LOVE!”

  Donovan saw the girl with Gretchen flinch, spilling her beer. G turned, seeking out the bellower and waved at Ryan and Van when she found them. He watched as she leaned down to say something to the girl next to her who was shaking beer from her hand. Then the two of them were walking over.

  “Who’s with her?” Ryan asked, his eyes alight with alcohol and curiosity.

  Van shook his head. “Don’t know. Never seen her before.”

  “She’s pretty fine.” Ryan eyed the girl appreciatively. “Wonder if she’s Gretchen’s piece.”

  He smacked Ryan upside the head. Ryan had a thing for Gretchen and just couldn’t let it go that she was gay. He had this idea that he could change her mind, and when he’d had enough to drink, he became a real dick about it.

  Still, Ryan was right in his assessment of the new girl. She wasn’t as tall as G, but then again, at almost six feet, most girls would be shorter. Donovan only topped Gretchen by a few inches anyway. This girl was only a couple of inches shorter than the blonde bombshell. She was dark, where G was fair: long, wavy, dark brown hair, and dark eyes, although the color was impossible to tell from this distance. Only her skin was pale and there was something about her coloring that made him think this was naturally so. She didn’t look the type to go in for hair dye.

  Unlike all of the other girls, including Gretchen, she didn’t have on shorts. She wore a pair of well-worn jeans, threadbare at the ends. She had a great ass, Van noticed, so if she thought she wasn’t going to stand out, she was mistaken. Her black t-shirt was nondescript but it clung to her chest and the v-neck displayed some serious cleavage. He found himself wondering if she wasn’t Gretchen’s girlfriend. Last he’d heard from her over the summer, G-Love had been having some problems with Shonda. Maybe they’d broken up before coming back to school and this was her rebound.

  The two girls finally reached them and Gretchen gave Donovan a hug. Ryan opened his arms for one, but G gave him a look that could peel paint from the walls. He took a moment to try to get her with his sad puppy eyes, but when that didn’t work, Ryan shifted his focus to the new girl.

  “Who’d you bring with you?” he asked, taking another swig of beer. His look was just shy of a leer.

  “This is my roommate, Lila.” She pushed the shorter girl forward. “We’ve known each other for ages back at home, but she just transferred from State.” Gretchen shot Ryan a look. “Be nice to her.”

  He put up his hands in surrender. Donovan turned from the two of them and extended his hand to Lila who was looking everywhere but at him. “Nice to meet you. I’m Donovan. Friends call me Van.”

  Her hand was small and delicate in his, pale skin trembling against his tanned fingers. She seemed reluctant to touch him, but her handshake was firm, almost a challenge. She raised her eyes to his and the careful regard in them struck him. It was a powerful thing, her gaze. It weighed him, assessed him. Van could tell now that her eyes were a unique blend of grey, green, and brown. “Hi,” she said, ducking her head a little. She pulled her hand out of his quickly. He almost wished she hadn’t. There was something about her tentativeness, matched with the strength of her gaze that he liked.

  “And this moron is Ryan,” he said, jerking his thumb over at Ryan, who was joking with another rugby player.

  “And don’t pay attention to anything that comes out of his mouth,” Gretchen added. “Lord knows nobody else does.”

  Lila cracked a small smile at that. She held herself stiffly, as though she were uncomfortable with being the center of any kind of attention, even so mild as introductions. Donovan thought she reminded him of a skittish colt that he’d seen when he was younger on his grandfather’s farm. She looked ready to bolt at any moment. He wondered what she was doing at the party—it didn’t look like her scene at all.

  The loud shatter of glasses breaking and a scream caused Lila to jump and she dropped her cup. Beer spilled all over the floor. “Shit!” she hissed, looking around as if expecting the house to fall on her. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’ll clean it up,” she said, her eyes darting around wildly.

  “Hey, it’s cool.” Donovan tried to reassure her, but she flinched away from his touch. He pulled his hand back wondering why she was so jumpy. “This house is already trashed.” He gestured to the discarded cups and beer cans and passed out people littering the floor. “It’s no biggie.”

  “Party FOUL!” Ryan yelled, and suddenly scooped up Lila, flinging her over his shoulder.

  Van saw her go white and rigid as she struggled in his grip. Hooting and hollering followed him as he carried her into the kitchen. Gretchen was after them, her long strides eating up the distance between the living room and the back of the house. Van followed along, thinking that Ryan was going to get an epic ass chewing when G caught up with him. He was probably going to have to intervene before Gretchen skinned Ryan and wore his pelt as a coat.

  Lila was being passed from rugby player to rugby player as they handed her off to the next guy closest to the keg. Anyone who committed a party foul and was caught by a team member had to do a keg stand. Of course, it was completely random what constituted a party foul, but Van had noticed that it was almost always a pretty girl who got tagged.

  When he hit the kitchen, Lila was already tearing out the broken door. Donovan got a glimpse of her face and she looked terrified, her face had gone so pale it was almost translucent. Ryan and his buddies stared at each other dumbly. When he saw Gretchen, Ryan shouted, “What the hell is wrong with your friend?”

  Gretchen looked ready to take one of the kitchen chairs and beat Ryan to death with it. Van was surprised at G-Love’s outrage; his normally laidback friend was so furious she nearly bristled. Ryan even took a step back from her and he wasn’t what Van would call long on self-preservation instincts. “Maybe she doesn’t like being manhandled by total strangers, ever think of that, you asshole?” Then she was out the door after Lila.

  “What happened?” Van asked as he walked over to Ryan who blinked owlishly like he’d been gobsmacked.

  “We tried to do the pass around, but she just freaked out! Mike nearly dropped her on her head, she was struggling so hard.” Ryan shook his head, clearly not believing how a girl could have an adverse reaction to him. “It was just a little fun, that’s all. She doesn’t need to be so uptight.”

  The group in the kitchen was beginning to go their separate ways. Van looked at his watch. It was after midnight. He was pretty sure the cops would be showing up soon to enforce the noise ordinance. “I’m going to head out,” he told Ryan.

  “How much you wanna bet that she’s a rug muncher like Gretchen?”

  Donovan took a good look at his friend. Ryan was plastered. He only ever spoke so crudely about Gretchen when he was hammered. He was smart enough neve
r to do so to her face—Gretchen would kick his ass into the next century if he ever did. Van chalked it up to sexual frustration and not a little bit of disappointment over her sexual orientation. “I don’t think so, man,” determined not to start a fight with Ryan over his choice of words. “Lila doesn’t strike me as gay.” He remembered her soft hand in his, the flutter of her lashes as she looked away from him. Scared maybe, unsure, definitely, but gay? Not really.

  “Gretchen’s lipstick, why can’t that Lila chick be too?” Ryan refilled his beer.

  “I think you’ve had enough,” Van said, taking the tap from his friend’s hand. “You don’t need another D & D.”

  Ryan shrugged, swaying a little on his feet. “Let’s make a bet to see who’s right. I say she’s gay. You say she’s not. Nail her by Christmas and I’ll give you a hundred bucks.”

  “Dude!” Van shoved Ryan away from him with an uncomfortable laugh. “Go sober up, man.” He ducked out of the kitchen, heading to the front door. He didn’t need to be around when the cops broke up the party.

  “I’m serious!” Ryan called to his retreating back before turning back to the tap.

  Chapter Three

  Lila felt like the world’s biggest idiot. A voice inside her, one that sounded frighteningly close to his voice, agreed with her. Incessantly. Who did she think she was, going to a party and parading herself in front of guys—what did she think would happen? She wanted to act like a slut, then she deserved to be passed around like the campus whore.

  She tried to put the thought—the voice—from her head but it was hard. Sometimes it felt like Tyler had taken up permanent residence inside her own skull. Dropping that cup and her reaction to it was stupid and she knew it, but her response had become second nature to her. And her clumsiness only proved that what Tyler had said about her was right. Stupid, fat, clumsy, ugly…the litany of names was unending.

  Lila kept on walking once she hit the backyard. She didn’t know where she was going, but she knew she couldn’t go back to the party. Not after the way she’d acted in the kitchen. She was embarrassed and ashamed. She wrapped her arms around her waist, as if that would be enough to hold her together and wondered why Tyler had done this to her.